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Here she comes
Catching on fire again

Today at about 7 Mountain Standard Time, a house two blocks over caught on fire. I sat on the porch, watching the smoke pour into the sky, smoking a cigarette, lighting my own house on fire. I heard the sirens through my headphones, enough to know I didn�t have to run in and call the Fire Department.

When I came inside, I very calmly said, I think there is a house on the next block that�s on fire.

We went on the porch, the time had come for everyone to gather outside, some to run to the next block, my next door neighbor checked the back of the house to make sure it hadn�t spread. I sat in awe, listening to the fire crack. I actually heard the boards, like I was standing in front of a fire place. Glass shattered. Smoke filled the air, first grey, then black as the fire was put out.

Now my heart dropped. That could have been my house.

People actually pulled their cars off of the main street to look, people walked over from 3 blocks down, someone actually parked their car in front of my house to go watch.

Conclusion? People are fucking sick. I wanted to go stand on the corner and scream at them, PEOPLE JUST LOST THEIR FUCKING HOUSE! HAVE SOME FUCKING DECENCY!

Instead, they�ll drive around town with their american flags waving off of their cars, giving money to help people who don�t even live in this state. All while the family down the street sleeps in a hotel room and they mourn the loss of everything.

Casting all restraints to the wind

I�m sickened by my ability to read too much into things. Did that mean what I think? Too much. It can�t. No. Maybe. Yes? No. Never.

Fanning out her flame to little men

I had the nerve to edit the other. I left it on a mean note, and now it�s wrapped in a nice package. Pretty. Near perfect.

Well they never gonna take your heart away

Three years and ten thousand dollars later, I found out I know nothing.

Someday, I�ll carry the presence of mind to figure it all out. Then, years later, I�ll have the courage to act on it.

Like a million to one

I tend to talk to my mom about things I don�t think normal people talk about.

Earlier, I told her I thought she had very conflicted feelings about relationships. More specifically, that she was torn between losing herself in someone else and maintaining her identity.

I�ve spent so many difficult years trying to figure myself out, I don�t want to give myself to someone else. For the sake of an unknown. There must be some middle ground, some grey area I�m missing. My problem is I want everything to be cut and dry, black or white, here or not... all while I am some kind of vast expanse of blur.

You�re the one

8:11 p.m. - 2002-10-12


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