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98

I would say I�m sorry, but I don�t apologize to myself, and I sure as fuck am not going to apologize to you.

in the jukebox of her memory
the list of names flips by and stops
she closes her eyes
and smiles as the record drops

Update Staring Guy: Married. Children. Canceled.

He has been moved into the desk directly behind me, so, Wednesday was the first day I actually heard him speaking to people. When you talk to people all day, sometimes, personal factoids slip into conversation. Plus, I can hear all of his personal calls. First I catch, �Okay, Baby. I love you. Bye.� Then, �Yeah, my daughter was sick all last week.� And, finally, the best for last, �Oh, yeah. I was just talking to my wife about that last week.�

What grosses me out about the whole thing is that he just doesn�t have the right to stare, he doesn�t have the right to even think about coming inside. He�s got someone at home waiting for him. I get so exhausted by these leering glances from men who should be putting that attention toward their wife. I mean, one look is one thing, but blatently undressing me is another.

And to top it off, he�s one of those guys who violates your personal space. So much so, we were practically holding hands yesterday.

He started wearing his wedding ring today.

You can see the fucked up people who actually take it off, and leave it off until they get home. Or, worse, put it on the other hand.

then she drinks herself up and out
of her kitchen chair
and she dances out of time

He said, �I thought I was the only person in Montana that listened to Aphex Twin.�

�No. There�s an underground cult of us who sit at home behind our computers. You just have to find us.�

as slow as she can sway
for as long as she can say
this dance is mine
this dance is mine

We had a Halloween party for my sister last night. It was totally exhausting. I cannot believe how much work went into an hour and a half of fun for 8 girls.

I put on make-up and my costume, so now there are movies of me dressed as Winter. It didn�t turn out quite the way I wanted it, but putting on that much make-up is always fun.

her hair bears silent witness
to the passing of time
tattoos like mile markers
map the distance she has come
winning some, losing some

�I know you�re in Tempe. If you don�t fix my computer I�m coming to get you with my bat.�

�Hahahaha! If you come after me with a bat, you�ll have to fly, because I�m in Billings.�

�Man, I used to live in Whitefish before it was cool. I always live in places before they�re cool.�

�So, I guess I should move to Phoenix?�

�Oh Lord, no!�

�Haha. Yeah. That�s how I feel about Billings.�

�How did you end up there?�

�Long story, and in the end I don�t know. I�m just kind of hanging out until I find some place better.�

�Yeah. How funny. Me too.�

she says, my sister still calls every sunday night
after the rates go down
but i still can never manage to say anything right
my whole life blew up
and now it�s all coming down

Big Friday Post Pay Day. No plans. Same night, every night, for the rest of my days in sweat pants.

she says, leave me alone
tonight i just wanna stay home
she fills the pot with water
and she drops in the bone
she says, i�ve got a darkness that i have to feed

It�s nice to have friends that know you well.

3:12 p.m. - 2002-11-02

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