Index - Profile - Archives - Notes - DiaryLand - Random ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 72 I'm hung over before I'm drunk. Fuck the disappointment in a scam, and crushes turn out to be nothing more than late night discussions over too much alcohol. Three packs of cigarettes, two thirds of a large bottle of rum, a pizza, and 10 minutes of a movie. Talk, talk, talk. And this time it wasn't about me. Except that I give them $12 an hour of my brain, I think that's a quarter of what I'm capable of... my ghetto bed... my road, with its forks staring at me. The driver ahead swirving between lanes at midnight, I was drunk by 6... but then it wears down, and you're tired. I heard the words I would say. Why does he hurt my feelings in that? He lives in a vaccuum of ideas and doesn't know you can die for your art, and then, it will be famous. Then, your rotten body can make money. After you've spread pieces of you sold to so many. Everyone wants to own you for free. Don't pay the price, take my heart, I don't care about it any more. I touched the back of my sore throat, swearing at myself. Rub my eyes, forget I put make up there, fingers are black, 18 hours of trying to be pretty. I hide from you, intentionally. See through my paint overalls, pony tail, worn lipstick, dirty finger nails from smashing cigarettes out in ash trays. I'll love you when my mouth tastes like a gas tank set on fire. Put me to bed. Take off my shoes, my pants, my bra and slip me under the covers. Kiss my cheek, turn out the light, smooth my hair back. You could tell me the truth then, in my half sleep, knowing I can't remember. You can sleep on the couch, if you don't want to come into my bed. But, God. Don't leave me here alone in this empty house. You're right. I'm not looking for home in a place, I'm looking for home in someone's soul. I want to crawl in, and build a fort out of blankets and pillows. I can take a walkie-talkie in. You can talk to me inside of you. Twenty one hours of trying to stay out of you. And, I don't know who you are. 12:51a.m. - 2002-09-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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