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I despise logic when it doesn't suit me. And, hating someone means you care. Caring is not something I want to do. So. I guess I need to stop hating.

My mom has been going on and on about this horoscope. I looked at it, and apparently, prince charming is supposed to show up this month along with career advancement. I'm not holding my breath.

I think everyone should play more video games. I'm in a much better mood since my hour in front of the TV, shooting monsters.

I'm seeing the way everyone deals with this... situation. I'm amazed that I'm the only one who has stopped talking to him. (I don't count random comments as talking because no one really answers.) Even as it seems he comes clean about everything, something in me believes it's all just another tactic. As if playing the emotionally fucked up man is going to score chicks. I've been wrong before, I'm sure there is some girl out there somewhere who finds that attractive.

There, there. It's okay. Let me kiss it and make it all better.

I'm amazed at the extent of the lies, the length of time, the effort gone into covering and keeping. He must have wanted something really bad. What gets me everytime is that he could have started over with any one of us.

I need to be reminded of how easily I got out of this. Three hundred dollars, two months, three physical days, two hours, and my faith in people. Cheap when you compare it to the price of others.

Nothing will remove my desire to have him away from here. Nothing will shake my belief that this is another game. Not after what I've seen.

I want to stop writing about it, but everyday something comes up, and I'm reminded all over again.

I'm pretty sure he does this thing where he reads and reads and reads then stops. It keeps me on my toes. I never know when or what, so part of me wants to get rid of any mention, and the other part of me, the bigger one, is too lazy. Plus, I can't erase any of this from my brain, why should I be alowed to get rid of it here?

I wanted to be the one that stood out, and I'm afraid I'm not. The only thing this has proved is that I'm more like everyone else than I thought.

He pits us against each other. She's just a friend, she's crazy, she's not giving you the whole story, she won't leave me alone, it's none of her business.

He'll get you with how of the moment he is. You think, he's one of those guys that says the right thing at the right time. He'll assure you he's not. Let me tell you, he very much is. When you're sitting opposite him, he'll say it. He'll say exactly what you were thinking, and then it will be over for you. You will know.

Chemistry? He can fake that too. The one thing I thought no human can fake, he can. Surely, the man should be paid for this talent.

Did he tell you he couldn't manage you? That you didn't fit in the boxes and that made it hard for him?

Point the next one here.

It's all for that day when you feel so happy you could die. You're a drug. Just like me.

5:07 p.m. - 2002-08-05


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