Index - Profile - Archives - Notes - DiaryLand - Random ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 45 And when you said I could not stay with you that's not the way you would have wanted to be convince yourself that everything is alright cause it already is I should be working. I should be doing many, many things... I just want to sit here and write. I'm trying to figure out why I'm reading it. Maybe because I want to see a hint of remorse. If that's what I want, maybe I should look else where. Don't sell your heart and break just anyone. It's awful that I look for praise. It's awful that I put things here just so someone will see it. There's a such a Catch 22 with that shit. I don't need you. I need to be needed. I'm happy by myself. I need someone else. It's so natural to want someone to think with. I miss people the most. This week has been really hard for me. Hard in the missing my old life way. I've had so many lives. I can break my life down into periods of time, each marked my a significant other: The Dave years 1993-1997 The Max years 1997-1999 The Bobby years 1999-2001 I want to run with you through morning fields. When I find myself deep in another, I miss the last. When deep in the last, I missed the before. When deep in the before, I missed the beginning. When in the beginning, I missed everything. Leave the luggage of all your lives behind. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. I miss him in the between times. I always wonder if anyone else has between times, and if the same person comes back during those times. I try to remember the bad times to keep the want down. But, for some reason, I expect him to drive the fifteen hundred miles and show up at my door. It's not that I would ever ask him to do that. It's not that I want him to do that. He just always had a way of showing up. I think about the time when I'm going to give up. I think about the time when it will be the last time. I want to be jaded enough to stop believing. I want to take my hope and shatter it. I know tomorrow I will change my mind. I can barely remember the last time I had sex... I think I said thank you and left. So take your lessons hard, and stay with him. I want this CD out of my head. 9:32 p.m. - 2002-07-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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