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44

I have the last word here. I have the final say. Imagine a picture of me gone. Imagine me walking away backwards, instead of heading for the doors certain I would see you again. Erase the four phone calls from the terminal. Erase that memory of me. Tear up that note, because I don't mean it any more. Don't try and talk to me in riddles, I don't speak your language any more. Just stop. End it all. Unplug and drive. Drive to where ever you think you need to be. I don't care where you end up. You can't, can't, can't. Change, change, change. Quit looking in everyone else's windows. Be alone without the noise, and the distractions. No one wants to fix you. No one is going to save you.

Let me count the ways that I abhore you

And you were never a good lay

And you were never a good friend

So. Fuck off already. The torture has gone on long enough for everyone.

And, you've been juggling two women, like a stupid circus clown

telling us both we were the one

Ah. Release. I can't type fast enough or say enough or be enough. I'm not a rock. I'm not steady. Move, move, move... constant. And, you should give me your email address because you don't deserve such a cool one. I'll make up a nice Dear John letter and send it to the hers, the other her, the momma her, the bazillion hers. Her.

I want a her meeting. I want it at your house, because I want the real her there. I want her to see all of the hers.

I have closure. I have everything. Everything.

I have my joy, my life, my laughter, my thoughts, my friends, my drunk buzz, my fingers flying... my sweat and my tongue. I have it.

You have whatever I deem important enough to put here. You'll never have that night out, rum and cokes, low key, me in that fucking fabulous halter. You'll never have my hair, or that look in my eye.

Yeah. Yes. God, YES.

I have it. We have it. All of it.

Look at the picture a million times, save it, remember it. Look at the trees, and the empty passenger side. Roll the windows down, but don't think of me. Think about yourself, and about how there's no one next to you.

5:45 p.m. - 2002-07-14

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