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i think now, right at this very moment, all of my karma has caught up with me.

there's nothing like a swift kick in the ass to get you to realize what life is... why people in general are just fucked.

i'm handling all of this really rather well. i'm not flipping out. i haven't cried. i wonder if it will catch up with me. i went to bed last night with a broken heart.

i'm changing the ending to this one.

i am not the exception.

i'm going to turn out like everyone else.

something is off here.

when people say that place is fucked up, they have no idea what damage is actually being done. i can deal with phone sex. to me, that's nothing compared to what actually happens. what happens is emotional black mail, manipulation... i think back now, and the kicker for me, is every word was a lie. there is no truth.

i want to converse with someone who wasn't in the middle of this.

this will be the last message i send to him:

i expected this out of you. how terrible to live up to that.

9:47 a.m. - 2002-04-21


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