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California.
Shawn always seems to know when everything is wrong. He spoke up today about when he met me at the airport, and I couldn't touch him.
The problem is I saw what my life could have been like, alone. And I liked it.
My life can never be that week. All of that freedom is gone, and I don't want the reminders of my loss. Maybe that's my whole problem. Maybe I just need to mourn that life properly. I thought I was done with it when I got pregnant, but now I see that I wasn't. And maybe that's why I came back to you, to get my old life back... but it can't exist any more.
I can't process the rest of this. I can't keep chasing you. I need to be pursued. I need the white lights, and the king of the rain.
8:13 p.m. - 2013-02-10
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