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Past my bedtime.

This morning, before the horse beating, Shawn wanted to let his car run for a while, and asked me to take E in the grocery store while he sat in the car. Elliott is an ogre. He's a really big kid and I have a hard time holding him. He's strong and heavy. When I tried to get him in the cart, I had to set my purse down to manage it. I was scared, how can I do this by myself? But I did it. And we shopped, and he talked the entire time (so much like his mother). I realized I can do this.
I don't know if E actually likes looking at the flowers, or if he likes that I let him down to explore, but he always asks to see them.
I buy myself flowers. Small calla lilies, faint violet and a tiny bit of bright yellow green. So tiny they fit into a bud vase. I don't mind that I get them for myself.
Do you notice the little things? I like to think you do.
I can't wait to sleep. That's right after I really let it hurt me. My hope is that if I think of you right before I fall asleep, you might be there when I dream. The trouble is, I rarely remember my dreams.
Good night.

8:02 p.m. - 2013-01-12


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