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Wait! Okay, now I'm done.

I'm going to bitch. I've stopped myself too many times today, feeling badly that I only ever feel badly, and never have anything good to say.

There's so many things wrong with me, it's hard to find the small good things, and focus on those. Especially when you live with someone who lives for picking out the bad and handing them to you on a chipped K-Mart dish, with a side salad.

I'm dying from lack of affection. I don't do well without it. It's like a plant needs water and sun. I need affection and sun. I'm tired of needing. I don't see the strength in finding my faults and accepting them. It doesn't do anything to make them any easier to deal with.

Last night was so disappointing. I love the Counting Crows more than any band ever. I can't explain why, I've just carried them with me since the summer after graduation, 1994, and they've stayed there since. The lack of respect and obvious distaste for the "unbeautiful" on display last night made me want to vomit.

In fact, I'm pretty sickened with the world. Today, and every day, really. I'm tired of people.

I'm tired of not being enough.

I'm just fucking tired.

And I'm wasting away. I'm not looking for a saviour, I'm just looking for a road, or even just a path, so I can get moving and quit sitting around.

It's too cold in here. I just want to hide under my covers until someone wakes me up.

PS - I found this for you. It's the last section.

7:46 p.m. - 2003-07-16


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