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Change change change.

I puchased a dress for my dad's wedding. Hoo-Fucking-Ray! One less thing I'll have to worry about. Ever. It's even something I could wear after, though I'm sure I will not have a function to attend that would need that kind of dress. Bonus points for cleavage.

I also bought new socks and some stretchy pants... because I'm going to start walking.

I decided today that since I've been so hung up on a significant other, I've kind of stopped liking myself. I need to get back to that. This time last year, I think I thought I had limitless time, and I saw the world in front of me.

I'm beginning to believe in a world where I have no control. I'm beiginning to think this is some master chess board, with infinite pieces, and some huge God is sitting on top of a mountain with his fluffy white beard and bushy eye brows, moving the pieces around, laughing quietly to himself.

I'll never kill myself because I don't want my next self to pay for it. Plus, I think there's a lot of trouble I can still get myself into. This life, so far, has been a good book. I'd like to see where I end up.

Cooked fat always looks better than raw fat, so I give myself over to skin cancer at forty. In addition to that, I've always disliked looking white. The white portion of me is so small compared to the rest, I think my appearance is a lie. My skin was meant to be beige, with olive undertones. Not the milky white color I have in the winter. My body was meant for work under the sun, not typing endlessly on a keyboard......

2:52 p.m. - 2003-06-29

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