Index - Profile - Archives - Notes - DiaryLand - Random ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ghost In You. To be honest, I'm kind of afraid to write much anymore. The person, people, I thought to be gone are in fact not. And, I've never enjoyed using this as a message board to interested parties. I had a telephone date last night. I received some insight into the relationship issues I continue to run across. Otherwise, it was quite simply, uncomfortable. Too many silences, and I will admit, I was not entirely interested in what this man had to say. I was simply talking to him because he has a nice name. The problem may lay in my first conversation with Prolific. I hate using that name, but I'm going to continue to respect his privacy. The first time we spoke, it was easy. It was easy most of the time. I wasn't embarrased to ask dumb questions or debate the upside to turkey dogs, argue about basketball, and geek out over video games. It just was. Unfortunately, erasing his voice will not be easy. Lately I wonder if it's even possible. ... So, last night, when I was asked what it is I've been missing from my previous relationships, I had no answer. Me, the Queen of Complaints. I've been dumped the last 4 times, and when you're the dumpee, you're usually not the one having problems. You're the one causing them. Aside from emotional availability, aside from physical availability... the last one I'm calling Distance. Distance killed it. Distance and Willingness. There was also discussion about getting into relationships with friends, and how it lacks a direction, or just value, because you've always been a buddy. A friend understands if you don't call, or you get busy. And, I suppose it's hard to change roles. But, I received an email last night. One of Those emails, you know, I love you and I want you to be happy. Well. There are so many options available to make me happy, I don't know what to wish for. But, today, I really wish you could have found it in yourself to hop on a bus, to where we could have sat on the beach, in the sun, for a very long time. And that's the pain. Wanting something that will not be had by you. Wanting someone who is not able to give you what you need. Logic wraps around and around making no sense. Hearing you my engines died 4:35 p.m. - 2003-05-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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