Index - Profile - Archives - Notes - DiaryLand - Random ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm waiting for the phone to tell me I'm alive. Let me tell you what sucks. What sucks is that every fucking remotely pop song I listen to has now become the anthem to my life. And, I'm entirely disgusted with that presently. I hate that anyone can have enough power over me to make my world crumble into this pathetic heap that I am. This is a truly sorry state. I don't feel like doing anything aside from laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. Because that's one thing I am very good at. Self pity. And, self loathing. And pretty much anything else to destroy the small amouth of self esteem I've struggled to create in the years since it was literally punched out of me. I'm supposed to act as though I don't care. Like I'm built out of metal in a work of fiction. But, I'm one of those sorry, silly, stupid girls that would rather settle into friendship with the off chance of fucking, than cut the whole thing off. I still drove home tonight thinking he could be waiting for me there. As dumb as I am. I guess it's just months of conditioning, months of falling asleep to the same thoughts of someday, that are so hard to work out of your body. Truth be told, the only way out is back into someone else. . . .But, I found 20 bucks in my underwear drawer, so now I have a memory card for my PS1 games. Yippie! Welcome to dorkdom!5:53 p.m. - 2003-04-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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