Index - Profile - Archives - Notes - DiaryLand - Random


Clouds Gather.

After the break, I'm going to take a break. Though it seems my own curse has come, and I have far more to say than time to say them. And far more emotions to paint and not the canvas to paint them.

So, I'll make this final entry to last for a while.

. . .

This is here for your benefit alone.

I love you.

I miss you constantly. And, even now, I miss you.

I'm sorry this is the road you are choosing to take. It is not the road I wish, nor do I think it is the answer to your problems.

I am not disappointed in you. That is saved for a few hours after which you haven't called due to a drunken detaining.

You are not a failure.

Baby, I am bitterly cold. My teeth are chattering, tears are streaming down my face, and Cosmo is crying. I do not know how I am going to get through the time it will take for me to get over you, but I know it's going to be very hard. Because I did not just lose a lover I wished for nightly, I lost a very close friend. I would even say a best friend.

Along with that loss, I also have to grieve for all of the hope I had put into a future with you in it. Possibly that is my greatest loss. All of the things I wanted to show you, the people I wanted you to meet, the places we should have gone to.

Not only am I a liar to everyone I told you were coming, but I'm also a liar to everyone I told to have hope and faith. For I have none now.

Again, I am mistaken in thinking that love conquers all. Perhaps it does, but only in that it conquers all people.

There will always be more to say, and the conversation could have gone on into tomorrow, so forgive me for hanging up. My tears are my shame, they have been and always will be, and I had reached a point I could not muffle.

I hope that you find someone who appreciates you more than I. I obviously did not do a good job. And, I wish that you can find someone who makes you feel comfortable in bed. Everyone deserves that.

Again. I love you.

I'm sorry I thought that was enough.

Everyone else, please take care. I'll be back when my wounds are a little less fresh.

9:42 p.m. - 2003-04-02


previous - next