Index - Profile - Archives - Notes - DiaryLand - Random ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fill these spaces up with days. I heard a train click by last night, at the beginning of the after glow, I sat quietly smoking. I'm so okay, I'm bored. . . . I've been thinking a lot about what the recruiter told me last night, and I thought it was silly of me to actually want to go at this again. I don't have anything working its way out for me to get the feeling of losing myself, giving myself over to something else. That's how it had always worked for me. I start in my mind, and end in my mind, but the time between I'm not there. It's the same with writing, the good stuff is when I've checked out. I want a way to explain this without sounding like a mental case, like I'm taking some unknown spirit into me, but it's like that. Surprisingly, I want to work on something. I want my studio back, and I want some money to start. I want the sun in that back room I grew up in, I want the apartment I see in my mind in between sleep, and I want you here. I saw my life, the way I want it. And I miss it, like I missed you before you came. Do you know what it's like to have the misfortune of looking at your future and having no idea how to get there? 11:14 a.m. - 2003-02-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||